Halloween is a straight-forward holiday for adults. If you're not hosting a party, your participation is easy: Just have candy ready for trick-or-treaters. Or not. Maybe put a few pumpkins on your stoop. However, many people have been getting it all wrong. We didn't think we'd have to go through a list of "do's" and "don'ts," but it's gotten to the point where a PSA is needed. You may be saying "no" to this, but clearly your droopy inflatable lawn ornament is saying "yes."
Don't just leave the bowl of candy out.
Don't decorate with phallic ghosts.
Ghosts can be tricky. Mess too much with the classic silhouette (or ignore a glaringly obvious shape) and suddenly you're no longer welcome at the block party.
Don't go crazy with gross recipes.
Don't go "off label" with your treats.
Don't let someone talk you into inflatable decorations.
Halloween is one of the easiest holidays for decorating. You can put a lone pumpkin in your yard and join in the fun. Yet some people fall victim, without fail, to inflatable monstrosities. Like an inflatable tree with inflatable pumpkins. It's not necessary. It's redundant. And it'll most likely get ruined well before October 31st, because putting an inflatable pumpkin in your yard is like putting a giant sign that says "Ruin my stuff!" to all teenagers within a 1-mile radius.
Don't go out too early.
Don't go trick-or-treating unless you're an actual kid.
Don't leave your porch light on unless you have candy.
If the light is on, you are agreeing to the social contract of giving out candy. Don't waste the kids' time -- it's their most productive day of the year.